Hi All, I have made numerous attempts over the past week and a half to reach out and let you know what has been going on here, but I have whipsawed by grief and despair, some pretty desperate lows but some pretty amazing highs as well. As I write this my exhaustion is almost complete. Went for a skate to the top of Millcreek Canyon today. I must have been aided by the energizer bunny himself because I felt like I could go forever, despite the exhaustion. It was, as Ricardo would say, a "jungle skate," which means a combination of challenging conditions (bullet proof at the bottom and soft and lumpy at the top) and both two and four legged wild animals constantly darting out in front of you. It was one of Ricardo's regular outings and one he loved. Always a good bonding experience with the canine kids and a good aerobic thrashing. And who didn't love a good aerobic thrashing? As I came down I passed Search and Rescue personnel heading up on snowmobiles. The parking lot had turned into an emergency command center. Another avalanche. Later (now Tuesday a.m.) I found out this one had wrapped a skier around a tree that saved him from the full 1000 foot ride and burial, but resulted in double compound fractures in both legs. Being able to get a helicopter in there under clear skies saved his life. There were two other large avalanches Sunday, one on a slope that had been skied by many skiers the day before in area known as Gobblers Knob, and another one in Millcreek that resulted in a shoulder dislocation of the skier trying to arrest himself on the avalanche bed. He survived and skied out. All involved very experienced backcountry skiers. The dragon is still out there. The weekend following the accident was a blur of sad faces, bonding, and beautiful snowy woods. As many of you know Tom and Khristy Gavigan drove from Tahoe and Natalie and John McIntosh flew from Minneapolis. Having those guys here was incredible and helped many of us pull through those first really difficult days. More on that later. Scott hosted us Saturday night for what was an essential group hug. We tried to douse the shock with tequila with limited success. Sunday around a dozen of us straggled back to Scott's and headed up to Solitude and the avalanche site. in lightly falling snow we put on boots and skins and began a slow march toward the base of the Meadow Chutes in the Silver Fork drainage. The banter, and the laughter, and being together was incredible, but as we approached the site the group fell silent. As we arrived there were only sobs and hugging for what seemed like a long time. Several people walked off in different directions for a moment of solitude. I skied up to the tree where Carlos had erected a picture of Ricardo the Friday before and hung a lei that Blair and I had made around the portrait. Scott also carried and wedged in alongside the photo something Caroline had given him. Tom and Khristy taped a Canadian Loony to the photo a few days later. Undoubtedly there will be more tokens of affection for the man who came to rest in such a beautiful spot. Here he faces the slope where he took his last turns.
The Monday after that weekend was one of the darkest days of my life. Getting back on the merry-go-round of life was an impossibility. I was imprisoned in the present by grief and wanting to do nothing but wallow there. Others had the same experience on that day. Finding something to do for Caroline, for Ricardo, was critical. I pulled myself together and went over to the house. Natalie and I took Caroline downtown to get her passport expedited for travel on Wednesday to Vancouver. We got that accomplished, the passport would be at the airport for her to pick up on Wednesday morning, but at the last minute Caroline decided not to go. It was too soon and she made the call, one that enabled and empowered her to refocus on the mounting pile of decisions before her. Khristy, Natalie, and neighbor Laurie England hovered over Caroline seeing to her every need during those days, while Tom and Johnny got busy sorting through and organizing stacks of bills and paper work in Ricardo's office and even tackled the garage. We all had to chuckle as it became apparent how Ricardo was able to find so much time to get out and play. Johnny and Natalie pushed off on Tuesday but Tom and Khristy stayed, committed to getting Caroline on her feet and aiding in the onerous task of putting Rico's affairs in order. I have helped where I could but have needed to still be a mother to a concerned 8 year-old and take care of the maddening and relentless details of day-to-day life. The caring and attention Tom and Khristy gave to Caroline and others, including myself, while they were here for a week-plus, was nothing short of heroic. It was so incredible to have the Gavigans and Macs here to completely devote themselves to Caroline by being physically present. Laurie and Carlos too, living across the street have been caring and watching over Caroline almost constantly. I can't adequately express my respect and gratitude to these folks. Their love and caring is testament to the incredible friend that Ricardo was, and the unwavering friendship he fostered in others. The days have worn on...I am both grateful for this and abhor it. I can't help that feel that everyday that does by takes me farther from that day and my friend who I will not see again. While I can read the paper or sit clear eyed and absorb what is being said, I still have moments of every day where I am blinded by tears of regret, pain, and worry for a future missing that gleaming smile and hilarious commentary. Still processing, still processing. So thankful to have had a few days on the hill with Tom, Khristy, and a host of others to make some turns and feel both the presence of the man and a hope for shared days in the future. Getting to connect and reconnect with so many has been so very sweet. The calls and emails I have received over the last almost two weeks now, offering up kernels of wisdom and encouragement have been lifesaving. Thank you. I will look forward to seeing, skiing, and sharing with you in March. Leaving you with two more pictures...One from the top of the Meadow Chutes two years before and from Moab last spring. Miss you Rico. Love you, man. SSsss
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